Thursday, January 30, 2014

The trans-pacific Partnership Treaties threaten democracy in it's entirety, I call upon the people to drive this bill to the grave as SOPA and PIPA were.

I've been told a lot recently that my ugly opinions on the world are sort of... ugly, yo! I can't say that I argue against it, I do have some ugly opinions, see my last post, but then those people are now trying to achieve the end of democracy so there's also that.

If you've been living in denial or like the majority, don't knowabout it, allow me to fill you in on the TPP and TTiP, trade treaties that are being talked about in top secret, and Obama is supporting these things, I am torn now.

I used to think Obama was cool, and he stood up against both PIPA and SOPA, but I've learned that he seems to be in cooperating standards with these bills. These bills are by far the scariest we've seen, and are being kept a secret from as many as possible, but it is up to us as a people to find out and rectify this corporate powergrab.

For some information, Wikileaks again has us covered, both treaties are incredibly scary. If these pass democracy in the majority of the world is over, and we will be run by evil corporations whose sole desire is to obtain currency and destroy their competitors, whilst silencing or ignoring those who may be harmed by their evil. This act will allot big corporations their own individual courts to which will make them judgeless by law. Essentially they will be able to do whatever they want, which is not only conceited, but dangerous... I never thought I'd see the day democracy would die, let's fight to keep it that way.

So, what can you do to help? Spread the word, share this link... and do whatever you can to prevent this filth from remaining hidden.

Yes, I have donated to the link above, I am happy to pay the price for freedom, however, you are not require to donate if you don't want to, spreading the word to those who can and anyone else is the plan here.

I'm hoping that by word getting out, the vigilante groups like anonymous and others will act as they did back when SOPA and PIPA threatened internet democracy. I'm tired of these corporate asshats acting like they have the right to run us. It's time to say no, this is not our fate, it is not our destiny to be slaves to corporate hegemony, it is not their fate to be granted freedom from prosecution, let's make this shit final. The time has come for the corporate whores to realize we will not falter, even when they go to each and every effort to hide from us their plots. We must sow them the seeds of assuredness, we won't back down, not as people, nor as a democracy.

To explain why these bills are bad.

-Corporations who can afford it will have free reign, and can prosecute anyone who fails to abide to what they say to do.
-They can instantly eliminate upcoming competition, either by prosecuting the heads in charge or buying them out.
-Anything they do to wrong consumers they can get away with, by virtue of having their own courts and senate.
-The internet will be changed forever, any content that infringes on American Laws of Copyright (which are both out of date and retarded) are in danger of prosecution, by an exorbitant fine or worse. This can include anything from Fan art to Fan videos. Even benign things like Anime Music Videos are in danger.
-The corporations with free reign can steal Intellectual property, and be in full control of it. If this law passes, I recommend globally Cease & Desisting everything you have on the Internet. All your original characters, your ideas... they are all at risk.

And that's only what I can think of right now. Please guys, do not let this be a thing.

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Calamari Courtesy, belated but brilliant!

I was eating some deep fried Calamari rings earlier today and began to think what a thoughtful lot they are! First off, they blindly enter out fishing nets without any care for how we cook them, then they go for hours on end without oxygen to then be bred in tanks with shitty chlorinated water, and then to further their generosity, they happily let us chop them up and use their rubbery flagella for us to line our stomachs. They do so much to uphold their ringed deep fried legacy and then some of us won't even eat them, bunch of cocks with picky eating manners we are... but not me. It is my choice to reward their salted devotion with a sound and splendid devouring, if anyone does not, they are a surly disgrace to culinary delights and society.

In other news, I've been looking at Tea party Republicans a lot recently due to me being a sponsor of activism against their idiocy, and I never realized just how fucking ugly some of these people are, it really goes well with their personalities.

Ugly on the inside as much as the outside, and it's stunning how unwise they look in comparison to political figures who aren't, well... evil! Let's look at Wayne Swan or Kevin Rudd of the Australian Liberal party, they are both old geyzers but they don't look bad, they look wise, they are wizards but without beards... look at these dudes!

Kevin Rudd

Wayne Swan

Now, compared them to a hegemonic money-hungry asshole like Rupert Murdoch whose only feat for society has been overtaking newspapers like The Sunday Telegraph and multiple others for the purpose of lying to Australian citizens to get an Apeman in the hot seat of Parliment, this guy is again, as ugly on the Exterior as the interior.

Rupert Murdoch

What a fucking dag. Also why the hell is he wearing shades when it's over cast, does he honestly think he looks cool with them complimenting his horrid receding hairline or his turkey chin, or perhaps they were to cover his glowing red demonic eyes.

This may seem shallow but it's not like any of these people are studs, Rupert should give you a bad vibe, and the two old folks above him shouldn't. Also Tony Abbot doesn't look too bad, actually he's pretty damn good lookin'... not that I wanna start picking out curtains or anything!

This also is common place with the republican party. Let me show you. From least revolting to most revolting.

#6: She is certainly the least ugly, but she still gives an awfully evil vibe, from her mouth emanates deceit and she must actually believe she looks good since she's in the media so much, but I think it's more likely that they just don't have any anyone who is honestly prettier in that office. She also represents them well, fat, stupid and ignorant.

#5: Choosing between this guy and the next two was notoriously difficult, look at this indignant self-righteous fuckwit, his visage is horrifying, to duly match the horrifying shit he honestly believes in. No words.

#4: Christ... again, very hard to choose between the above and below, this guy embodies evil, from the folded self-assured hands, to the ugly potty mouth and his wrinkled gaze which you can tell right now, sees everything but himself as filth, looking down at others from his glasses.

#3: Holy horrorscourge, this guy is just as evil on the outside as on the inside, this is the same prick who is responsible for a large part of America's Financial debt and he is being rewarded for that, his face and soul makes a Glukkon look respectable.

#2: Not sure if he's actually in office or only a supporter, but people of such appalling appearance should not be in public, there should be a law against anyone having to see this hambeast, like seriously, shades as well as a cap endorsing conservatives? Turkey neck, receding hairli... wait...


1# But this disgusting New jersey Skank wins the gold, you can see her face and think Devilspawn, squinted eyeliner-lambasted eyes, a filthy mouth with horrendously puckered lips that look inhuman, tattered unconditioned blonde hair to match all the blonde things she says... she looks like she could breath poison.

Anyone who stops this whore from being seen anywhere would be doing all of society a solid service.

So yes, there's the top 6 republican fuglys. Thank you for your time.

Monday, January 6, 2014

Poetry of Piddling Pariahs, the Piss Perfect Edition.

Contrary to the titles convoluted matrix of urine euphemisms, these poems are entirely harmless and don't have any NSFW content unless you count being ceremoniously twee as NSFW.

Painstaking extracted from the long forgotten archives of the forum, I bring you a quaternary of literary limbos by the Whimsical Prophet and Acclaimed Developer, me.

The Destroyer Returns:
Ideal background music.

Today was destined to be sad, a myriad of weak excuses shall leave the mouth of the learned.
On this day none shall ever again shed a tear of joy, for the Destroyer has returned...
In his wake the fire turned to lime, his carapace pitch, skin lost in the process of martyrdom.
Oh to see the spectacle of his return would be to know fear no man ever dare fathom.
He wakes, and as the veridian fire spreads across the cyberverse, a fearsome plot is heard...
"I'll burn these disreputable gnats and bury all their stupid garbage into the god damn earth."
Woe is his word, and true is his plot. Nary a remark would go unanswered, nor a question unregarded.
His fearsome devilbeast visage engulfed the cyberscape in digital fear, not one would survive the rise of the despot without shedding a tear.

The Best Birthday Game Ever:
Ideal background music.
"A birthday?" He piqued. A birthday indeed! he replied. "Such a game I will make, but your assistance I will need!"
And so craftsmanship between the two friends mustered, as they forged the project to make everyone flustered.
"I'll do the art!" said one, "I'll do the draft!" said the other, adventuring together to bring it into being part by part.
On the fateful day, that the Birthday Girl would feel dismay, is also the day that Final Fantasy Music would play!
No detail too sparse, no time too short, but at long last, their efforts were not for naught.
A tad belated, it's humor a little dated. The effort put in more than most appreciated.
The Best Birthday Game Ever, oh it's got to be the best Birthday Game Ever!
We'll shorten it to T.B.B.G.E, that's a concern not for you to be!
Now shake my hand, hold the glass, call the band and max out the brass.
It's all mirth and cheer, to you this year!

Postmartian Nights:
Ideal background music.
Oh I come from a land, from a faraway planet... where the extra-terrestrial freely roam.
Where you'll lose your hip if you don't watch your step, it's dangerous but hey it's home!
Where the structures are immense and the cold is intense, but it's reach is as far as nigh.
So come on through, take a tour of our technological furor, it's a Postmartian Night!
Postmartian Nights, like Postmartian Days, have no when or temporal zen. It's all up in the air!
Postmartian Nights, like Postmartian Moons, they don't exist, like a thing of myth, there's only one way of being fair!
Like a Blade with no edge, like a parcel with no pledge, there's never a dull moment here!
It's always in the works, moving on the slightest jerks, nothing is ever linear.
Postmartian Nights, like Postmartian time, is always quite right, though never in sight, it's all quite a sight.

The Origin of Origin
Ideal background music.

I woke to see God's Forge in fire, it's hearth was enraged. And as the flames swooned to the sky so too did the verdancy it held above...
In this scape the crafter slept, his garb white as bedsheets, his mind as steady as iron... forgotten in the fire.
I witnessed the creation of a Universe that would live a year 314 billionfold, in slumber we his servants would toil to shape the paragon that is the Origin Galaxy, in the center of this Galaxy lied a sanguine star to which God's home would forever be.
Countless universes had spawned before this one, and there would be an endless amount more to come. Each having it's own variables and twists. The Alpha of our timeline was as much a god as a guardian, ever watching with his omniscience unto the realms of mortality and beyond.

That's all I have for now.

I really, really hate cheese now.

I used to love cheese, it was always pleasant. But I've tried it again recently after a huge hiatus of having it only in things, and holy hell it tastes like... well it doesn't taste like food, it tastes like it's off.... OH WAIT.

Eating it straight now feels like I'm eating a schlong packed chock full of vaneerial diseases, even in those stringers it has become detestable.

Whether by Aging (geddit?) or by the filth it manifests, I no longer feel I can stomach cheese.

And the more I deviate from cheese, the more I can appreciate cheesy films, how is this relevant? I don't know.

Probably in association, I don't mind though... honestly cheese is one thing I have no qualms with going off of, it's fatty greasy garbage and the only appeal it had (being tasty) is now lost.

Oh, except for this particular type of cheese, I still like it because it's racist. I can never be mad at racist things.



Wow, this is so dumb. Jesus, my groin how it twitches.

I simply cant deal with this amount of poppycock. Suddenly I have something hilarious to talk about!

So yeah... no idea if some dude in congress just got sick of being compared to shibe or had a bunch of derogatory images of him as doge drawn with some statements validating the unfortunate reality that he is a butt-blasted faggot, but I think that this is by far, the least stupid thing congress has done in years, even if Doge is impossible to ban due to how martyrdom on the internet works, this is still highly entertaining!

It's certainly the most benign thing they've done. I can't feel anything, my humor gland has made any other instinct numb. (including my brain and perception, it seems)

Thank heavens, here I was worried I was gonna have to make a whole wall of text about cheese and racism by cheese. But thanks to Congress my day is awesome, just once they haven't found a way to make me wonder why they are still in office.

The Bizarre Bingelord of Backstory

While I'd love to say that I made this post purely for the purpose of revertion back to this blog as a wall for my whimsical wallowing, anyone who knows me or reads this with any frequency (good joke) will know that me making a short supple post is as likely as AIDS being a relevant target of medical importance again.

I only did it once, and that was only because youtube did most of the work for me and all I had to do was laugh a lot to point out the hilarity.

So in this post, I'll go a bit into my backstory to celebrate 5 years of Bizarre Monkey and for me, Internet Access.

Act 1: I am to meet the internet!
Back in 2006, after I'd played Diablo II solidly for three years and had done jack all else with my time, I decided that I'd actually try making a generic tabletop RPG, this was when I first really got serious about being a developer, or not serious but, it wasn't just... graphs and ideas on paper anymore. I made my very first Tabletop RPG called Future Fantasy, which was heavily geared towards making your own scenarios, it was more of an "Engine" than a game, but making scenarios with its rule-set was super simple. The thing was that as soon as I'd done a few it got boring because I had only me and my bro to play with. I was a very antisocial person but I didn't know of any other ways, I had no idea there was an "internet" or how it worked. For the following four years I would make game manual after game manual uselessly wasting several hundreds of dollars in paper and ink to produce manuals only two people in the world would see. However, the growth in my writing in these ventures coupled with the ideas generated by a wellspring of time, toys and boredom would cultivate the interest as well as teaching me how to MSpaint... I only started getting really good with MSpaint in the last couple of years, I started back in 2006, and I'd been drawing on paper with pencil throughout most of my childhood.

Growing up my interests always seemed to stem from creativity, I at one point liked making cardboard models, then sewing soft toys, then oven bake clay figurine sculpting until at long last the true prospect of this talent came into view.

It wasn't to merely paint or to play with toys... my purpose was far more broad, it was to create a Universe, and there was no better way than through the medium of games.

The idea of making games was something I always wanted to do, in fact Hellcat: The Nightmare Begins stems from a very clumsy load of drawings I did before I even hit my teens. I was only 11 when I had the idea for "Hellcat", back then it was basically an idea for a first person shooter, with a clever emphasis on cat-themed powerups and having '9 Lives', however I had no idea at that age how I would generate such a world, for several years I would discuss it with my Bro, but neither of us had an idea of how to go about it.

Chapter 2: Neverwinter could never bring winter
It would be in 2008 that I would discover the Neverwinter Nights game by bioware, I was uninterested in it's campaign, but it had a toolset! I caught on instantly how to use it, and as time went by I made a game, though looking back, i would have been nuts to release it.

In 2009 I would join the Bioware forums under the name of "Bizarre Monkey", this was my first real encounter with the internet. Prior to Bizarre Monkey I had gone through several company names, Blackmatter, Darkmatter Corporation, HardGore, Eye of Evil, Exodus Enterprises, Singing Potato, before eventually resting on Bizarre Monkey.

My computer would fry later that year, and all progress on the NWN project lost... this is probably just as well. In early 2010 my Bro suggested a fabled google search to find something that'll let me make RPG's, this is where I at long last found RPG Maker. VX had recently been released and I fell in love with the program.

Chapter 3: Gracious, thy name is Bizarre Monkey
I would make two games before I got anywhere, first was Planet's Cry, an appalling fangame that only ever gets a mention because of how dumb it was.

Then Terra, while not horrible, it wasn't great and again, borrowed too much from fan inspiration to get anywhere, it was after that derelict piece of shit failed that I decided to take a break and think about this, maybe game development wasn't my thing? Maybe i had some other calling.

However, I was proven wrong... my dreams would be the arbitor of my arise.

I slept and saw a mouth of frost, its teeth jagged, it's visage all to witness possible.
It spoke a plea of villainy, it said to me that I was to make it a villain in the next game that I would make. And after his mawed message was mouthed he coalesced into vapor, forgotten in the fire. I woke up to a new idea, and renewed vigor.

So, I had a villain, he was determined to be a villain, and quite a villain he became, that visage i encountered would later become Maw, the antagonist for Intelligence, the first game of which I would be given reason to celebrate.

I hastily began work on a game, I didn't know what it would be called yet! All I knew was that this visage was the villain, and that it was to be set in a version of earth where mammals had taken over, the villains name was not spoken in the dream, I had to come up with it, there were several that went by, "Visage", "Frosty", "Noth", "Frigis" before I came to Maw.

For the protagonists, I didn' want to do four people, so I did a trio, two characters that already existed in my Universe, Rolly the Green Dog first appearing in a Bytepets Manual nobody saw, and Pep, a Red schizophrenic cat with an unhealthy addiction to Red Cordial who had several appearances throughout my uncharted paperverse. Tristy was a character I made on the spot, since I decided that I'd use Australia for the games setting I figured it'd be best if I used a mammal exclusive to Australia that could look feminine, after being charmed by Sheila the Kangaroo in Spyro 3: Year of the Dragon I decided a Kangaroo was definitely the best bet.

I began unplanned construction on a demo which would serve as a barebones framework for a deeper plot that I had no idea existed at the time. This time I decided I would learn from my previous mistakes and release a demo before bashing out a full game.

The name for the game was actually decided only a couple days before it's demo release, it would be called Intelligence, and it's first demo would see the public on the 14th of March in 2011.

The response was overwhelming, from a dude no one knew or gave a fuck about to a dude who made something pretty interesting, I got 7/10 scores across the board, it may not have been much for some people, but for me it was a huge improvement, damn it! In late 2011 it was nominated for Game of the Year, but lost to Noobslice.

Patches and events later, I myself nominated it for Game of the Year 2012, it succeeded by troves, the lead it had was staggering.

It was in Early 2012 that I began planning the next big thing.

Chapter 4: Accosted by Uncharitable Anuses
In Early 2012 a great rift shattered, my homesite of residence and forced me to search for a new host, upon finding the new host, it would be before I'd even released a beta that I would be exiled.

I hung out with just those few i'd met on skype and decided to give forums the finger until the Beta for Menagerie was in sight.

The Canalethians who had been my friends for two years, decided in late November of 2012 that my time with them was up, leaving me devastated... I turned to the only place I knew I had friends, they were a quiet not-attention-seeking group, but at the time that is all I wanted, a shoulder to lean on, a friend to talk to... the internet had made me reliant on people and compassion. However, I was welcomed back with anticipation, despite leaving them cold, absence isn't uncommon for them, they see it as a thing that happens. I was welcomed back with open arms and for the first time in over a year, felt truly at home away from home.

Then came Skye...

The one they call the betrayer, the enemy of Omega-dev... one whose seemingly sole purpose was to cause grief for those who had exiled her.

The chance had come to prove my worth! Skye's return had given me a chance to do what I did best, be a psychotic insulting asshole... I helped the Omegadevians during their time of need and then beside my new allies, led a warpath to the enemies territory, where my true talents were witnessed... being exiled from many places had forced me to do things that most would consider scandalous. But this was war and during the generous training Canaleth had inadvertently given, I found ways around bans of all sorts... the warpath ceased when the forum breathed its last gasp of air.

An ancient enemy had been defeated, the Omegadevians praised my tactics, dealing with their old enemy lent me not only their respect, but their obedience. I decided that we would make a Skype group for easy communication and calculation on future events.

I was given the title 'Teen Drama instigator' and was elected the Omega-dev attack dog. At last I had found a place and purpose, on March 14th, 2013... The Crazy Chimp Collective was formed and with our combined efforts we would create a game that would then shake the very foundations of RPG Maker...


Late in 2012, I was sent an invitation by GrandmaDeb to return to, in return I would post the resources I had made during my stay at Omega-dev

Ofcourse, I was more than happy to accept a return, after all... I had been exiled from anywhere else relevant, and so I returned, making my first topic in over a year.

I then went and nominated my two games for Game of the Year and Demo of the Year... I won both.

Feeling like I had gotten what I had long wanted, I decided to repay

Chapter 5: The Breath of Life that is Biz
For their heartfelt welcome and nursery, I looked at and saw a wasteland of barren activity and said 'No. This will not do." and thus begun my rise to power and the resurgence of, I did all within my power to keep the community afloat and in time my efforts would be visible. The very admins looked at me with a twisted expression of awe and amusement, while it would never be the pinnacle it once was, it had been rejuvenated... due to this debt I payed, it began to raise some questions...

Was my aid purely for my benefit, it would be a fair observation, I had become the lifeblood of the forum, and thus I had essentially granted myself immunity from exile by way of doing things the admins could not. I was only a member, but I was doing the sort of thing admins are supposed too. I however was entirely unaware of this until this thread came about.

I had become the Crutch for this forums instability... inadvertently I had become an autocrat. At first I was proud of this responsibility, I felt like for once people depended on me.

However it became evident that if I ever left, this site would fall to shambles. The Admins did not have the Drive to keep it going and while I am now no longer dependent of it, I still like it and will keep it afloat so long as it remains awesome.

Chapter 6: The Uncertain Future...
Following Menagerie's release on December Twelve 2013, it has gotten ratings of huge variety, most being in the 9s or 10s, Gamejolt rates it 4.5/5 (or 9/10), it has been widely praised for it's innovative picture cutscenes, intense ABS battles and its bizarre sense of humor, among the typical brilliant storytelling, charming characters and strategically challenging events.

I could not have asked for a better end to my legacy with RPG Maker.

Menagerie is my last game with RPG Maker, I am now working with Game Maker and as such, the future is very uncertain. However, I will forever follow my passions and do what I love doing. But there was a point to this backstory.

The point is that, I got to where I am by being me, doing things my way and following my dreams.

It was a long road travelled, it took nearly 15 Years to have the resources to make the game I had first imagined. (Hellcat)

But I did it and I'll only get better. Late in the first chapter I said that it was my destiny to "build a universe", that Universe is now on display, or a part of it. I have many ideas, and within the scope of an entire universe, given time all can be made manifest.

Menagerie is released!

Actually, it has been for almost a whole month, but I forgot this load of shit some call a blog existed and no one ever looks at it anyway.

Anyway, Menagerie is on every site RPG Maker site that matters and it's been released on Gamejolt and Desura now as well so your first course of action should probably be to download it if you haven't already.

Since I never use this blog to talk about matters related to my company I'll probably change it back to the old Bizarre Monkey forest and use it as i always have, as a venting zone for my bored opinions.

Anyway, here's a trailer for Menagerie if you're interested.

The Venture of Vanity

Recently I got inspired to do some self-indulgent wonderblogging, so I decided that I will do just that.

Chapter 1: In this town of which I live.
Lismore, 20 minutes from the beach of the Australian East coast, this city stands among all others a pinnacle of druggie dystopia. In this town, don't we blaze it now, all manner of illegal distrubition can be observed, from heroin addicts, crack crimelords, to just a bunch of damn pot-smoking hippies doing no harm, this city is manifest of why 'cops are a lazy excuse for justice'. In this city we have over 70% of inhabitants hooked on some form of substance that is illegal. If you are in Lismore and know only straight people, you aren't doing it right.

It should be noted that of this towns majority, I am one of the exceptional minority, the only addiction I've ever had is to iced coffee, which I'm pretty sure is legal! It may not be though, and if the bean-bouncers come to my house you can blame them for their not being another article, those nefarious Nescafe naysayers will be to blame.

I am glad to say that unlike the other two people I live with, I have never attempted drugs of any sort, not because I am scared of them, but because I like being different. My indifference with the majority has always been a contributing part of my psyche profile, it has nearly come to an extent of autism. It's not that I even try to be different, and I sure as hell am not different because I act to be or choose to be, I just am. It's not like I'm some hipster who thinks I'm better than everyone because I choose not to partake in an activity that the majority of people choose to actively partake in, I'm just very rebellious. This is likely due to my Dad's side of the family, the Byrnes', which dates back to Joe Byrne, the cousin of Ned Kelly, one of the only Vigilante's Australia has had.

The 'S' was added by the family name after the prosecution of Ned Kelly to avoid hassle from various agencies, but one of my relatives has been gracious enough to look into it and it turns out that I am indeed a pedigree, cool that.

It's also possibly because I think society is a load of flabbergasted horseshit, which may explain why I chose to live in solitude for 8 years after dropping out of school, I'm very much a man who can live with my own company, and this begins this briefly alluded to "Venture of Vanity".

I've been exposed time and time again to the amount of pain and stress people will go to for the sake of their vanity, women have this in spades, but guys also tend to get tied up in trying to look like they are cool to veil the unfortunate reality that they are a goofy clown underneath.

So what drives us, what is the meat we must manifest to mature in our own malformed rise to manliness? I can't speak for Women since I am not one and have no real desire to be (though I'm sure a bunch of my friends may have you think otherwise) but what I can do is be a voice of reason and questioning for men who seek to be the beefcake they want to be.

I myself have never had dreams of being strong, I like being unimposing so people don't feel intimidated. However I have certainly wanted to feel badass in the past. I recently put together an outfit to show that I can be badass in appearance... but it's not me. It isn't suiting, also woolen scarfs are itchy motherfuckers and having one of those around my mouth like that dude in Soul Reaver gets irritating pretty fast.

So to drive this venture on its way, our pursuit in our external appearance is a desire to appease others, to impress those with what we "can" be rather than what we are, what we are is human, flawed... different and for the majority, obnoxious. I talk to about 40 different people each day, only a minority of those people impress me, and those are typically the people who don't hide behind a facade.. the more people hide the more I know I can't trust them, they cant trust themselves, they are hiding what they are because they don't trust their own form, how can i trust someone when they don't even trust themselves? That'd be like asking a new employee who'd only done remixes of songs to compose a full soundtrack and rely on them to do that.

The facade thing will fool some, but I have a psychological profile, I can easily peel away the fabricated layers people use to cloak their insecurities, it's one thing I'm very good at.

Chapter 2: Our greatest enemy is our fear of being an enemy.
Contrary to popular fiction, people will avoid confrontation at all costs, people want it to be easy and avoid hardships whenever possible. So therefore vanity becomes a primary drive so you look 'representable' as you can without flaunting yourself around to get on other peoples nerves, I am guilty of this myself. When I Attended University earlier this year, I dressed much more respectably than I do typically and I never got into a fight, though that's also partly because I didn't go out of my way to make friends and was focused on getting my study on, and i got a distinction so i guess I came out of that well. The point to this is that if I had gone to University wearing what I am now it's likely people would have judged me in their head as more filthy than I would have been whilst wearing my blue striped polo-shirt and suit pants that you can see me wearing here.

So Vanity for us is also like a feeling of security, a shield to the seething eyes of conflict. We want to make others impressed so we do not achieve the opposite, which is for them to be appalled, no one likes feeling as if they are appalling.

However, there are sometimes when Vanity pisses me off, and there are certainly many at fault for this...

Chapter 3: The Media and their market on maturing masculinity.
I absolutely loathe the media for this reason, the magazines they print have littered on the front page either a sex symbol of some kind or a dog, in the case of a dog, turn to back.

What I'm saying is that in our modern world women and men (but particularly women) are brought into the world thinking they have to be strong, smart and stunningly attractive, which is not only unrealistic, but a gross tactic for marketing toys to growing young females like Barbie and Bratz, in this day and age women of all ages are being taught the wrong things by the media, no one will like you if you are a brat, if you think that your deluded or fucking stupid.

Because of magazines and the iconic "supermodels" all growing girls of our generation are groomed with a constant sense of insecurity about how they look, most Women I've spoken to are very self-conscious and for the most part, this isn't their fault. This is firstly the media for raising the bar to near impossible standards, but also for shallow men thinking that Women like that are 'natural'.

Supermodels are as deviant from our organic composition as you get, plastic surgery, implants and silicon, you may as well just say they are cyborgs, the majority of them even have the deadpan personality and flawed unresponsive intellect to match.

Any dude who thinks that such a girl is the only sort good enough for him is destined to be one of those old codgers who are constantly grumpy in old age because they never got any, and it would be their fault for being shallow. Justice if there ever was.

Chapter 4: Fighting the Oppression
So now you've been told by some unromantic Aussie sage in his mid 20's why girls are self-conscious, why vanity is a vex of mortality and why we do what we do, what will your actions be?

For 90% of you, you'll continue to do what you've always done and for you I could care less about how it works out for you. For the 10% of you that care, it's incredibly easy to fight it if your open to yourself psychologically.

If you're like me, (Asexual) you'll likely find that you aren't even really in need of a wife, but just a good friend or two, however since those of Asexual inclination are fairly rare, I'll make  this quick: Go out and find friends, find interesting people, by either going to an event which interests you (where you'll have a high chance of finding people who have similar interests to yours) or by starting a learning degree somewhere, though since College for anyone in the U.S has a habit of being expensive, the first option is more viable. The second works better for me due to my locale.

As for the bi-sexual, heterosexual or homosexual, here's an important tip if you want to try to find an interesting relationship or just want to get past your vanity problems.

First, if someone rejects you because of your appearance, this should make you stronger... for that person who did reject you is a shallow tool, and you likely would have found him unbearable to live with anyway!

Second, I'm not saying to discard vanity, there is a reason we have it, however, don't make it a commitment, make it a pleasure. Life is to be enjoyed and instead of thinking how gay this V-neck makes you look or how ridiculously daggy these pants are, you should be looking at the positives, for example, say you are hetero-sexual but are stuck with a V-neck, improvise! The image i linked above with my soul reaver scarf is with me wearing a V-neck, so i covered it with a badass scarf and look damned well awesome, instead of like I just woke up from a night out with some rigid sternly gentlemen bums.

Thirdly, no matter what you wear, the best thing to be is yourself. Contrary to your brain's incessant prattling, you are quite interesting, everyone is! When people put forth a facade is when they are most boring, because they are presenting one mindset, when an average individual has several for each circumstance they may encounter.

There you go, one venture of vanity complete. Cheers.